Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
BAMBI & HER TRIFLIN AZZ !
A SNEAKY summab**** that she is, She screwed a brutha up last night...DAYUM!
So Im driving last night KNOWING good and dayum well its cold and deer prolly out & about doin what deer do!... I start toward the local bridge over the creek and SWAP BOOM ( thats the sound that mahfugga made) . BAMBI came outta NO MAHFUGGIN WHERE & connected with the passenger side front quarter panel of my truck.....Needless to say, the thought that IMMEDIATELY came to mind was ....LUNCH IS ON !!!! Im thinkin bout deer patties, deer steak smothered in onions n gravy ,deer sausages with a side of eggs , and deer tender loins (***MMM MMMM*** thats good eatin) .
Well right about then it hit me..."wait a minute, Im drivin my own dayum car " so the next thing that came up was that "OH SHIT MAHFUGGA SUMMABITCH " verse that we all say when we realize...we done fugged up!!
So as Im gettin ready to stop I look out my dayum mirror just to see this raggedy azz BAMBI BIMBO WOODLAND CREATURE SUMMABITCH ...turn around and look back @ me as if to say ... "Son was that supposed to make me jump?" I'm settin here shakin my head and cussin up 5 storms and another season of bad weather . I get out walk around to see the damage expecting to see the worst...
I figure the whole side of the car is just jacked the hell up....But to my amazement.....The shyt was ok !!! I was good with that ..U BEST BELIEVE !!!! ...
Now this story isnt over....Cause , see, lurkin over in the weeds was BAMBI ...LOOKIN...WATCHIN....LAUGHIN....
I shake my head in acknowledgement that ..."yeah ya funky woodland creature...you got me right now..." but see, I had something up my sleeve for BAMBI
I called Lester Cooter up and told him what was up.... Lester Cooter shows up with rifle ,dog and huntin gear!! RIGHT NOW IM SMILIN ..(cause i know whats bout to pop off) :D
LESTER COOTER & DOG
Lester Cooter shows up...gets his gear....next thing I knew , I heard this loud ass BOOM. Looked up... saw smoke,dust,hair & blood flyin every which a way.... he done shot that dayum BAMBI.....*BIG SMILE*
So now we have some good eatin for a while....I'm happy so is Lester Cooter. I tell ya... I can taste those deer steaks smothered in gravy & onions & sausages with the eggs right now..MMMM MMMM DELISCIOUS...... *SMILIN* so from now on...I aint dodgin no dayum dear...Im gonna try my BEST to make that MAMMA TAPPA SING TO ME !!!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday, December 26, 2011
FREE MUST HAVE AN ODOR
Let me begin this story with a lil homage first and foremost. I give high regard and thanks to all my brothers and sisters in
Fire Service and EMS as well as Law Enforcement. The jobs to be done are done SELFLESSLY . Endurance & mental strength are 2
qualities I feel are most important!...I love you all and I know the sentiment is reciprocated! DIGGIT !
When fighting a structure fire fatigue , stress, and just plain ol tiredness hits ya azz like a broke hooka hittin the
competition (thats gotta be dayum hard if u know the broke hookas i know) Anyway you need sustenance and rehabilitation at times..
and also the Families of the homes that we are trying to save usually need temporary accommodations ,warmth,cooling,someone to
talk to ..etc...u get the picture...NOW i said all that to say, Thats when RED CROSS and HEMSI are called in.
HEMSI provides us with rehabilitation and basic check of vitals and makin sure we arent dehydrated or exhausted or just plain
dead !.. RED CROSS provides the displaced families with a place to set ,talk ,have shelter, and as well give sustenance in the
form of snacks and cold water or juice to drink and also to provide firefighters with the same sustenance...
SOOOOOOOOooooooooooo one cold azz rainy dayum morning (3:30am to be exact) , Bubba Mack and Hattie Jean decided to do the
"NASTY" at the crib, Im guessin it was pretty good to one of em..cause somebody done went and smoked a dayum Blun...umm nevermind
..Long story short "smokin the bedroom while sleepin..."(yall get the picture) So we get called to a structure fire...no biggy no
problem...we do what we do...."head em up - move em out" ! We get there, spend the next 30-45 minutes gettin the fire under
controi...DONE! Needless to say at 3 or 4 in the dayum mornin we're hungry ,thirsty and we're all tired..dirty...wet ...cold
...and just plain ugly....(all that sheeet is a bad combination). So we get relieved by another group of firefighters to continue
workin ....Now as we're walkin
around the house I notice about 3 people across the street comin outta one home then 2 or 3 more come out another then i noticed
about maybe 5 people walkin down the street ahead of them...so im wonderin where the hell these mofos headed this early in the
dayum mornin in the COLD azz rain? ....So we keep walkin around headed to get us some "snack crackas" & cocoa cola with a side of
Coffee and
maybe a jelly doughnut thrown in there from the RED CROSS TRUCK...*SIGH* *HEAD SHAKE*.....
We look up ....bigger than dayum sheeet , there this a long azz line of country-hood mofos in their draws,pj's,night
gowns,slippers ,barefoot,and one mug was butt azz dayum nekkid, wrapped ALL THE WAY around the truck and juttin out into the
street down the opposite direction...."I WILL BE DAYUMED" These greedy mahfuggs from the hood done raided the dayum RED CROSS
truck!!!!! W---T-----MUTHA-----F ? How u gonna be dead sleep ...3 sumn in the mornin...its cold..its rainin...smoke every dayum
where....AND at home with a FULL AZZ REFRIGERATOR ....and all of a sudden BADOW yo azz is outside in that sheeeet gettin free
grub and drank....*sigh*
THESE MUGS HERE !!!! So we get up to the truck ..cold hungry tired and ugly...THINKIn we bout to get our mini grub on!! Then all
of a sudden the sweet lil RED CROSS lady shut heh slidin door talkin bout..."Sorry Guys ...We're all out!!" I said...."All out..All
outta what?..." She says .." we dont have any snacks for yall or cold water" ..I just looked................ *blink* *blink*
*stare*
....So we started to walk off...shakin heads and cussin mofos out.....before we got too far the sweet lil lady says "wait...we
got some hot water!" I liked to died laughin...all we get is Hot Water and a smile....WE took the hot water....So by this time we
finished drinkin our hot water...and we passed up one of the neighbors who partook of the free grub...This summabitch had a mouth
fulla oatmeal cookies a pocket full of reeces cups...(KING SIZE) a pocket of skittles and a dayum G.I.Joe with the Kung Fu grip...i
aint gonna tell yall what happened next..cause i wanna stay in my Fire Department ! but lets just say...er rah...everytime that
mahfugg sees a RED CROSS ..anything ,anywhere...he is now prone to seizures...*shrug* * i donnot have anything else to say * but
to end this all up...FREE must have an
ODOR that will wake a sound sleepin sommab*** all the way up outta the DEAD !!
Fire Service and EMS as well as Law Enforcement. The jobs to be done are done SELFLESSLY . Endurance & mental strength are 2
qualities I feel are most important!...I love you all and I know the sentiment is reciprocated! DIGGIT !
When fighting a structure fire fatigue , stress, and just plain ol tiredness hits ya azz like a broke hooka hittin the
competition (thats gotta be dayum hard if u know the broke hookas i know) Anyway you need sustenance and rehabilitation at times..
and also the Families of the homes that we are trying to save usually need temporary accommodations ,warmth,cooling,someone to
talk to ..etc...u get the picture...NOW i said all that to say, Thats when RED CROSS and HEMSI are called in.
HEMSI provides us with rehabilitation and basic check of vitals and makin sure we arent dehydrated or exhausted or just plain
dead !.. RED CROSS provides the displaced families with a place to set ,talk ,have shelter, and as well give sustenance in the
form of snacks and cold water or juice to drink and also to provide firefighters with the same sustenance...
SOOOOOOOOooooooooooo one cold azz rainy dayum morning (3:30am to be exact) , Bubba Mack and Hattie Jean decided to do the
"NASTY" at the crib, Im guessin it was pretty good to one of em..cause somebody done went and smoked a dayum Blun...umm nevermind
..Long story short "smokin the bedroom while sleepin..."(yall get the picture) So we get called to a structure fire...no biggy no
problem...we do what we do...."head em up - move em out" ! We get there, spend the next 30-45 minutes gettin the fire under
controi...DONE! Needless to say at 3 or 4 in the dayum mornin we're hungry ,thirsty and we're all tired..dirty...wet ...cold
...and just plain ugly....(all that sheeet is a bad combination). So we get relieved by another group of firefighters to continue
workin ....Now as we're walkin
around the house I notice about 3 people across the street comin outta one home then 2 or 3 more come out another then i noticed
about maybe 5 people walkin down the street ahead of them...so im wonderin where the hell these mofos headed this early in the
dayum mornin in the COLD azz rain? ....So we keep walkin around headed to get us some "snack crackas" & cocoa cola with a side of
Coffee and
maybe a jelly doughnut thrown in there from the RED CROSS TRUCK...*SIGH* *HEAD SHAKE*.....
We look up ....bigger than dayum sheeet , there this a long azz line of country-hood mofos in their draws,pj's,night
gowns,slippers ,barefoot,and one mug was butt azz dayum nekkid, wrapped ALL THE WAY around the truck and juttin out into the
street down the opposite direction...."I WILL BE DAYUMED" These greedy mahfuggs from the hood done raided the dayum RED CROSS
truck!!!!! W---T-----MUTHA-----F ? How u gonna be dead sleep ...3 sumn in the mornin...its cold..its rainin...smoke every dayum
where....AND at home with a FULL AZZ REFRIGERATOR ....and all of a sudden BADOW yo azz is outside in that sheeeet gettin free
grub and drank....*sigh*
THESE MUGS HERE !!!! So we get up to the truck ..cold hungry tired and ugly...THINKIn we bout to get our mini grub on!! Then all
of a sudden the sweet lil RED CROSS lady shut heh slidin door talkin bout..."Sorry Guys ...We're all out!!" I said...."All out..All
outta what?..." She says .." we dont have any snacks for yall or cold water" ..I just looked................ *blink* *blink*
*stare*
....So we started to walk off...shakin heads and cussin mofos out.....before we got too far the sweet lil lady says "wait...we
got some hot water!" I liked to died laughin...all we get is Hot Water and a smile....WE took the hot water....So by this time we
finished drinkin our hot water...and we passed up one of the neighbors who partook of the free grub...This summabitch had a mouth
fulla oatmeal cookies a pocket full of reeces cups...(KING SIZE) a pocket of skittles and a dayum G.I.Joe with the Kung Fu grip...i
aint gonna tell yall what happened next..cause i wanna stay in my Fire Department ! but lets just say...er rah...everytime that
mahfugg sees a RED CROSS ..anything ,anywhere...he is now prone to seizures...*shrug* * i donnot have anything else to say * but
to end this all up...FREE must have an
ODOR that will wake a sound sleepin sommab*** all the way up outta the DEAD !!
THE GAS STATION
Sooooooooooooooo Im at the gas station (not pullin up but) PUSHIN my truck up to the pump. I ran outta gas bout a quarter mile back
*shrug* (now yall know how i stay in shape for real) . so im lookin @ the pump look at me and I be dayumed if the last person at
the pump ONLY put a $1.00 in YEOP they put in about .38 gallons of gas in...i was like now aint that a sommabitch there! So I laugh
a little reach in my pocket and grab what i thought was a $5 bill (dont judge me for being broke). Weren't no $5 bill at all! It
was a bank statement that said this ->"FOOL...if you come up here ONE MO DAYUM TIME tryin to take out the last $5.00 it took for u
to start this
dayum account WE GONNA CLOSE THIS BITCH DOWN ! THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY" .......*sigh* .....*head shake* *shrug*..... right
about now im wishin i knew the mofo who got that $1 worth of Petrol!......anyway.....THIS is one of the reasons I ride horses !
Only takes a lil SWEET FEED for the motor...WATER FOR THE LUBE JOB and a lil HAY FOR MAINTENANCE !!.....oh by the way... I had to
walk home that day.....NO bus, no cab , no horses to ride.....
*shrug* (now yall know how i stay in shape for real) . so im lookin @ the pump look at me and I be dayumed if the last person at
the pump ONLY put a $1.00 in YEOP they put in about .38 gallons of gas in...i was like now aint that a sommabitch there! So I laugh
a little reach in my pocket and grab what i thought was a $5 bill (dont judge me for being broke). Weren't no $5 bill at all! It
was a bank statement that said this ->"FOOL...if you come up here ONE MO DAYUM TIME tryin to take out the last $5.00 it took for u
to start this
dayum account WE GONNA CLOSE THIS BITCH DOWN ! THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY" .......*sigh* .....*head shake* *shrug*..... right
about now im wishin i knew the mofo who got that $1 worth of Petrol!......anyway.....THIS is one of the reasons I ride horses !
Only takes a lil SWEET FEED for the motor...WATER FOR THE LUBE JOB and a lil HAY FOR MAINTENANCE !!.....oh by the way... I had to
walk home that day.....NO bus, no cab , no horses to ride.....
SPIRITUAL WEAR FOR THE HIGH FALOOTIN'
SOOoiooo my Son and I are sitting inbthe docs office chilling....look up and see this lady walk in with what appears to be a mink
coat (hell I wouldn't know a mink coat for real if it snuck up on me and but me....why is that familiar? *head scratch*) and this
wool looking scarf round her neck some fluffy gloves and some looping azz boots....boots went so far up her legs I swear if she
fell over she wouldn't hit the Dayum ground cause the boots woulds held her up....But,anyway...So old girl takes her coat off
...un-wraps the scarf and BAZOOM(no I'm not describing her chest...please refrain from having your minds in the gutter please)
BAZOOM....tell a Brutha why she had on some spiritual jeans....spiritual jeans cone in all sizes colors and styles but what's
common about em all is how HOLE-Y them mugs are....she had a hole in the thigh...on pocket....and she even had a hole in her azz..
*lip turned up to one side*...*shrug* why u go to all that trouble lady....well if y'all know me....u know I had to ask...
Sooooooooooooo....I will tell u her response after the Dr finishes tending to these cuts bruiises and the swelling old girl left up
side my head......the moral of this story is......sometimes....just STFU ..........
coat (hell I wouldn't know a mink coat for real if it snuck up on me and but me....why is that familiar? *head scratch*) and this
wool looking scarf round her neck some fluffy gloves and some looping azz boots....boots went so far up her legs I swear if she
fell over she wouldn't hit the Dayum ground cause the boots woulds held her up....But,anyway...So old girl takes her coat off
...un-wraps the scarf and BAZOOM(no I'm not describing her chest...please refrain from having your minds in the gutter please)
BAZOOM....tell a Brutha why she had on some spiritual jeans....spiritual jeans cone in all sizes colors and styles but what's
common about em all is how HOLE-Y them mugs are....she had a hole in the thigh...on pocket....and she even had a hole in her azz..
*lip turned up to one side*...*shrug* why u go to all that trouble lady....well if y'all know me....u know I had to ask...
Sooooooooooooo....I will tell u her response after the Dr finishes tending to these cuts bruiises and the swelling old girl left up
side my head......the moral of this story is......sometimes....just STFU ..........
WYLE E COYOTE
SOooooooo Im down @ the Bottom (where i keep my horses) taking care of my horses when all of a sudden they all pull their heads up
and start gruntin a lil ..all the while they're lookin over towards the woods by the creek...
No biggy cause hell there are all kinda wildlife out here......So i commence to doin what i was doin...i see somethin movin in the
bushes!.... Tell me why WYLE E COYOTE wanna try to sneak up on a brutha and jump em from behind ? ..*shrug*
No sweat off me.. i ran at that sucka...(thinkin he was gonna run back) That lil mofo didnt MOVE.... So right then I did a *head
nod* *lip poke* *tilted my straw hat to the front a lil lower* , and Im thinkin this one them bad azz leader of the pack ,Alpha
male summabitches!..... WELLLllllll thats fine...thats alright....now i dont own a gun,not even a bow and arrow but i figure he
aint gonna go past my horses so i got that in my favor...sheeeeeeeee the hell i think that for..that mofo came up ..walkin slow all
hunched down like he bout to make a kill....ok cool fine (lil bastid hybrid wolf lookin mahfu***) anyway...I had my feed bucket and
a rope...soo i let the lil summabitch do his thing...my horses kinda bitched up on me and started movin outta the way (im feelin
like its the "SHOWDOWN AT THE OK CHORALE") So i slowly grabbed my feed bucket and taht rope( had no idea what i was gonna do with
teh dayum rope but hey better to have it and not need type thing...) well lil WYLE E COYOTE actually got close enouogh that he
lunged at a brutha..well hell part of my life was spent growin up in the projects as well as the couuntry and u learn not to run
from dogs too many times...soooo i let that wolf hybrid alpha male summabitch have it with that feed bucket...WHAPPOW hit em so
hard my horses took off runnin back up in the field,......I LAID THAT BASTARD OUT YALL.....he just went to yappin and chokin and
walin...hell i roped his ass got on Twista and drug hsi raggedy ass off into the woods and let em go..............anyway..watch out
for them COYOTES YALL !!
and start gruntin a lil ..all the while they're lookin over towards the woods by the creek...
No biggy cause hell there are all kinda wildlife out here......So i commence to doin what i was doin...i see somethin movin in the
bushes!.... Tell me why WYLE E COYOTE wanna try to sneak up on a brutha and jump em from behind ? ..*shrug*
No sweat off me.. i ran at that sucka...(thinkin he was gonna run back) That lil mofo didnt MOVE.... So right then I did a *head
nod* *lip poke* *tilted my straw hat to the front a lil lower* , and Im thinkin this one them bad azz leader of the pack ,Alpha
male summabitches!..... WELLLllllll thats fine...thats alright....now i dont own a gun,not even a bow and arrow but i figure he
aint gonna go past my horses so i got that in my favor...sheeeeeeeee the hell i think that for..that mofo came up ..walkin slow all
hunched down like he bout to make a kill....ok cool fine (lil bastid hybrid wolf lookin mahfu***) anyway...I had my feed bucket and
a rope...soo i let the lil summabitch do his thing...my horses kinda bitched up on me and started movin outta the way (im feelin
like its the "SHOWDOWN AT THE OK CHORALE") So i slowly grabbed my feed bucket and taht rope( had no idea what i was gonna do with
teh dayum rope but hey better to have it and not need type thing...) well lil WYLE E COYOTE actually got close enouogh that he
lunged at a brutha..well hell part of my life was spent growin up in the projects as well as the couuntry and u learn not to run
from dogs too many times...soooo i let that wolf hybrid alpha male summabitch have it with that feed bucket...WHAPPOW hit em so
hard my horses took off runnin back up in the field,......I LAID THAT BASTARD OUT YALL.....he just went to yappin and chokin and
walin...hell i roped his ass got on Twista and drug hsi raggedy ass off into the woods and let em go..............anyway..watch out
for them COYOTES YALL !!
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