FREE MUST HAVE AN ODOR

Let me begin this story with a lil homage first and foremost. I give high regard and thanks to all my brothers and sisters in

Fire Service and EMS as well as Law Enforcement. The jobs to be done are done SELFLESSLY . Endurance & mental strength are 2

qualities I feel are most important!...I love you all and I know the sentiment is reciprocated! DIGGIT !
When fighting a structure fire fatigue , stress, and just plain ol tiredness hits ya azz like a broke hooka hittin the

competition (thats gotta be dayum hard if u know the broke hookas i know) Anyway you need sustenance and rehabilitation at times..

and also the Families of the homes that we are trying to save usually need temporary accommodations ,warmth,cooling,someone to

talk to ..etc...u get the picture...NOW i said all that to say, Thats when RED CROSS and HEMSI are called in.
HEMSI provides us with rehabilitation and basic check of vitals and makin sure we arent dehydrated or exhausted or just plain

dead !.. RED CROSS provides the displaced families with a place to set ,talk ,have shelter, and as well give sustenance in the

form of snacks and cold water or juice to drink and also to provide firefighters with the same sustenance...
SOOOOOOOOooooooooooo one cold azz rainy dayum morning (3:30am to be exact) , Bubba Mack and Hattie Jean decided to do the

"NASTY" at the crib, Im guessin it was pretty good to one of em..cause somebody done went and smoked a dayum Blun...umm nevermind

..Long story short "smokin the bedroom while sleepin..."(yall get the picture) So we get called to a structure fire...no biggy no

problem...we do what we do...."head em up - move em out" ! We get there, spend the next 30-45 minutes gettin the fire under

controi...DONE! Needless to say at 3 or 4 in the dayum mornin we're hungry ,thirsty and we're all tired..dirty...wet ...cold

...and just plain ugly....(all that sheeet is a bad combination). So we get relieved by another group of firefighters to continue

workin ....Now as we're walkin
around the house I notice about 3 people across the street comin outta one home then 2 or 3 more come out another then i noticed

about maybe 5 people walkin down the street ahead of them...so im wonderin where the hell these mofos headed this early in the

dayum mornin in the COLD azz rain? ....So we keep walkin around headed to get us some "snack crackas" & cocoa cola with a side of

Coffee and
maybe a jelly doughnut thrown in there from the RED CROSS TRUCK...*SIGH* *HEAD SHAKE*.....
We look up ....bigger than dayum sheeet , there this a long azz line of country-hood mofos in their draws,pj's,night

gowns,slippers ,barefoot,and one mug was butt azz dayum nekkid, wrapped ALL THE WAY around the truck and juttin out into the
street down the opposite direction...."I WILL BE DAYUMED" These greedy mahfuggs from the hood done raided the dayum RED CROSS

truck!!!!! W---T-----MUTHA-----F ? How u gonna be dead sleep ...3 sumn in the mornin...its cold..its rainin...smoke every dayum

where....AND at home with a FULL AZZ REFRIGERATOR ....and all of a sudden BADOW yo azz is outside in that sheeeet gettin free

grub and drank....*sigh*
THESE MUGS HERE !!!! So we get up to the truck ..cold hungry tired and ugly...THINKIn we bout to get our mini grub on!! Then all

of a sudden the sweet lil RED CROSS lady shut heh slidin door talkin bout..."Sorry Guys ...We're all out!!" I said...."All out..All

outta what?..." She says .." we dont have any snacks for yall or cold water" ..I just looked................ *blink* *blink*

*stare*
....So we started to walk off...shakin heads and cussin mofos out.....before we got too far the sweet lil lady says "wait...we

got some hot water!" I liked to died laughin...all we get is Hot Water and a smile....WE took the hot water....So by this time we

finished drinkin our hot water...and we passed up one of the neighbors who partook of the free grub...This summabitch had a mouth

fulla oatmeal cookies a pocket full of reeces cups...(KING SIZE) a pocket of skittles and a dayum G.I.Joe with the Kung Fu grip...i

aint gonna tell yall what happened next..cause i wanna stay in my Fire Department ! but lets just say...er rah...everytime that

mahfugg sees a RED CROSS ..anything ,anywhere...he is now prone to seizures...*shrug* * i donnot have anything else to say * but

to end this all up...FREE must have an
ODOR that will wake a sound sleepin sommab*** all the way up outta the DEAD !!

THE GAS STATION

Sooooooooooooooo Im at the gas station (not pullin up but) PUSHIN my truck up to the pump. I ran outta gas bout a quarter mile back

*shrug* (now yall know how i stay in shape for real) . so im lookin @ the pump look at me and I be dayumed if the last person at

the pump ONLY put a $1.00 in YEOP they put in about .38 gallons of gas in...i was like now aint that a sommabitch there! So I laugh

a little reach in my pocket and grab what i thought was a $5 bill (dont judge me for being broke). Weren't no $5 bill at all! It

was a bank statement that said this ->"FOOL...if you come up here ONE MO DAYUM TIME tryin to take out the last $5.00 it took for u

to start this
dayum account WE GONNA CLOSE THIS BITCH DOWN ! THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY" .......*sigh* .....*head shake* *shrug*..... right

about now im wishin i knew the mofo who got that $1 worth of Petrol!......anyway.....THIS is one of the reasons I ride horses !

Only takes a lil SWEET FEED for the motor...WATER FOR THE LUBE JOB and a lil HAY FOR MAINTENANCE !!.....oh by the way... I had to

walk home that day.....NO bus, no cab , no horses to ride.....

SPIRITUAL WEAR FOR THE HIGH FALOOTIN'

SOOoiooo my Son and I are sitting inbthe docs office chilling....look up and see this lady walk in with what appears to be a mink

coat (hell I wouldn't know a mink coat for real if it snuck up on me and but me....why is that familiar? *head scratch*) and this

wool looking scarf round her neck some fluffy gloves and some looping azz boots....boots went so far up her legs I swear if she

fell over she wouldn't hit the Dayum ground cause the boots woulds held her up....But,anyway...So old girl takes her coat off

...un-wraps the scarf and BAZOOM(no I'm not describing her chest...please refrain from having your minds in the gutter please)

BAZOOM....tell a Brutha why she had on some spiritual jeans....spiritual jeans cone in all sizes colors and styles but what's

common about em all is how HOLE-Y them mugs are....she had a hole in the thigh...on pocket....and she even had a hole in her azz..
*lip turned up to one side*...*shrug* why u go to all that trouble lady....well if y'all know me....u know I had to ask...
Sooooooooooooo....I will tell u her response after the Dr finishes tending to these cuts bruiises and the swelling old girl left up

side my head......the moral of this story is......sometimes....just STFU ..........

WYLE E COYOTE

SOooooooo Im down @ the Bottom (where i keep my horses) taking care of my horses when all of a sudden they all pull their heads up

and start gruntin a lil ..all the while they're lookin over towards the woods by the creek...
No biggy cause hell there are all kinda wildlife out here......So i commence to doin what i was doin...i see somethin movin in the

bushes!.... Tell me why WYLE E COYOTE wanna try to sneak up on a brutha and jump em from behind ? ..*shrug*
No sweat off me.. i ran at that sucka...(thinkin he was gonna run back) That lil mofo didnt MOVE.... So right then I did a *head

nod* *lip poke* *tilted my straw hat to the front a lil lower* , and Im thinkin this one them bad azz leader of the pack ,Alpha

male summabitches!..... WELLLllllll thats fine...thats alright....now i dont own a gun,not even a bow and arrow but i figure he

aint gonna go past my horses so i got that in my favor...sheeeeeeeee the hell i think that for..that mofo came up ..walkin slow all

hunched down like he bout to make a kill....ok cool fine (lil bastid hybrid wolf lookin mahfu***) anyway...I had my feed bucket and

a rope...soo i let the lil summabitch do his thing...my horses kinda bitched up on me and started movin outta the way (im feelin

like its the "SHOWDOWN AT THE OK CHORALE") So i slowly grabbed my feed bucket and taht rope( had no idea what i was gonna do with

teh dayum rope but hey better to have it and not need type thing...) well lil WYLE E COYOTE actually got close enouogh that he

lunged at a brutha..well hell part of my life was spent growin up in the projects as well as the couuntry and u learn not to run

from dogs too many times...soooo i let that wolf hybrid alpha male summabitch have it with that feed bucket...WHAPPOW hit em so

hard my horses took off runnin back up in the field,......I LAID THAT BASTARD OUT YALL.....he just went to yappin and chokin and

walin...hell i roped his ass got on Twista and drug hsi raggedy ass off into the woods and let em go..............anyway..watch out

for them COYOTES YALL !!

JOE FRIEND WHY YOU SO BALD ?

PICTURE DAY Its the Fall of 1971. Picture day is here you get all ready from ya Butterfly collar shirt with the saggy shirt arms and your black or brown corduroy jeans with your Buster Browns or them big azz Brougham shoes. Man yall im talkin about you have everything perfect...EVERYTHING.... and ahh big baby .. we aint even talkin about last night when mama went and threw that AFRO SHEEN BLOWOUT kit in your hair.. You spent an hour gettin them naps combed out another 30 minutes of that dayum relaxer burnin ya dayum scalp ( all this shit had to be the modern day equivalent between Ancient Chinese Torture Techniques and Child Abuse & Endangerment) but oh well who gave a dayum cause ...SHEEEEIT u thought ya azz was doin sumn then !! had the hair picked out and ready for picture taken....BUT ANY DAYUM WAY .... Aiight so we all up in the line waitin for our turn...We feelin happy as hell.. u know doin our thang ... but hell we noticed somethin real mahfuggin strange .When the kids go behind that big ass umbrella and disappear outta site , they reappear after what seems like half and hour, ..cryin..snifflin ... snortin...hair all jacked the fugg up...im settin there thinkin..WTF !!! Now I need to let yall see what was going on... you bout to see the pictures of the little girls that were in the line in front of us BEFORE they went through the curtain..and AFTER they went through the curtain ...... BEFORE going behind the curtain AFTER going behind the curtain THEM LITTLE BLACK COMBS Ok so now Im shakin and trippin. Me and the other guys tryin to figure out WTH is happenin behind that dayum curtain. Well before we knew it hell our asses were next to go behind that mahfugga....and I just happened to be NEXT MAN UP !!I gotta tell yall.. i aint gonna lie my lil midget azz was scared !! So outta nowhere this big azz lump comes up in my throat . I get behind there and all I see is this big fat white guy with over-alls, smokin a cigarette, and a big cigar box full of black combs settin on this table.....Right about now I feel like im bout to get tried and convicted by Festus Mcgillacutty..IM EVEN MORE SCARED NOW.... Ok now so festus asks me to set down...and im chokin on all that cigarette smoke too mind u .. so I set on this stool while he gets behind this big azz Captain Marvel ray gun lookin thing thats supposed to be a dayum camera... So after a brief speech Festus says take one of those "little black combs and comb your hair " ...I get up ...look in the box of combs at these little bitty azz combs with teeth so small they couldnt part the hair off a ants eye brow!...IM thinkin this mahfugga is mad crazy ..or sumn... Hell i know when mama used to get teh kinks out my hair she used to go outside and get the yard rake just to get through my hair on the first stroke...!!! So now im shakin my head at this crazy mahfugga Festus (the over all wearin mahfugga that he was) Aint gonna pull that dayum comb threw my nappy ass head...even thow i I had the fresh blow out kit in it... I AINT DOIN THAT SHIT !!..well he commences to walk toward me.. grab the comb str8 outta my hand..and holds me down by the head between his arms and he COMBS...and COMBS and PULLS and TUGs and RIPS and yanks @ my head till the only thing i had left in that room that was mine was my buster browns i had on..... he flashed teh picture.. i ran up out that bitch runnin like a pimp in a pussy parade!... knocked over all the furniture ....EVERYTHING... Needless to say to this day... I DONT HAVE HAIR THE FIRST ON MY HEAD..OR 90 % of my body either... Picture days.... they are about some life changin experiences.....