THE BOTTOM BAMA BRAND

So yesterday , we are setin at the Childrens ER in "The Ham" and up rolls this lil Nissan Maxima ,from the 80's (i'm stressin the word LITTLE)

Now, All's well , Up until the part where the doors start opening!
First door opened & we saw a leg and a arm come out....*shrug* no biggy.... ,
The NEXT door opened & we saw some more legs and arms fall out....*srug* (still no biggy)
 The NEXT couple of doors opened & thats when the "AHH H** NAWL" moment happened !!!!

By the time all the door popped open.... we watched 11 , THICK ,
(and how can I say this next description without all yall thinkin a'mma "prevert" )
  *thinkin*
 .lets just say "BOTTOM BLESSED" sista's who aint missed no meals since Easter Sunday 1975!!!!

Now that was just the starter....but wait,... when they all were trying to get out of the car., there was so much meat in it and they were wedged in so good ..about half those sistas got stuck at the A** level

The security dude at the ER ramp had to go get an IV pole , let one of those sistas grab it while he pulled back He pulled so hard he started sweatin !! I saw that pole bend and Cortney and I started lookin for cover !! BY the time he pulled the one out.... we heard this loud POP then a BOOM.....anyway...they made it out!!

HONESTLY IT WAS AMAZING.......

 I tried to take a picture but the camera didnt have that WIDE ANGLE view to get the action.... *shrug*

 Now had this been you...tellin me....I wouldnt believed it unless I "seent" it . Well I "seent" it and you best believe it. I never knew it was possible to get all the meat packed in a space that small for so long without somethin spoilin.... (im just puttin it out there)

Now You have to think....what was that ride like on the way to the hospital, cause it was a warm day....and most of those sistas had on tank tops and tights...

WAIT...WAIT.... I just remembered sumn else too.... The windows were all up....THAT TRIPPED ME OUT for the simple reason that a car that old still had a functioning AC in it!!!...
But I got to thinking.....maybe the windows just wont roll down *shrug* either way..... that must have been a ride like a "mofo"
 anyway.....I guess when you ridin dirty in "The Ham" ...you ridin REAL DIRTY.... by theway.....before we left......the trunk on that nissan popped open...and 3 little kids witha stroller came out..... *head shake* THATS BIRMINGHAM FOR YALL !!!!

ITS ALL ABOUT THE TAG !!!!

Driving on the street round from the house , this chick flew past us in this “hot rod”.
I got a glimpse of the tag , CHTAPNS . Well I'm up here trying to figure out what that mess meant , but when we turned the corner we see the Sheriff done got that suckka pulled over !!! In my head I'm doin a fist pump and a dance !!

So we pull into the grocery store to get my “side meat” , grits, & sardines .
We pay . We leave . We get back round the corner & there's that doggone “hot rod” still settin there , but the driver is hangin out the passenger side window wavin' her hands (in the air ,like he just don't care) * that had nothing to do with this story ...I just wanted to say it *

Next, we see the deputy with his gun drawn , all up in the driver side window.
Well something was going on, but we ain't have a clue as to what, so we pulled over to watch. (im a concerned citizen in my community*).

Right about then, I see the Deputy put both hands in the car while the lady was sitll wavin her hands out the window on the passenger side. It's killin me as to whats going on , so I do what I do best ! I get out and take my stupid self on over to the car to "HELP".

What I saw at the car didn't make no sense to man , monkey ,or Holy Ghost.
Inside the car was the woman, an alligator and what used to look like a dog!
Come to find out, the woman had a pet alligator and dog. Well seems the Alligator and the dog never got along and the Dog bit the alligator on the tail, in the car.
The Alligator got mad ,bit the dog in half and the half of the dog that was still alive and kickin, bit the woman.

The woman started drivin fast (thats when she past me) tries to get away from the Half eatin “doggagator ombie” , didn't quite make it!
then the Gator grabbed the lady and started munchin on her legs. (this is where the Deputy came in)

The Deputy sees the car jumpin round and the woman with her arms out the window yellin . He stops , walks over sees whats going on , tries to be all “Alligator Hunter / Zombie Killer Man” The Deputy didnt fire one shot ( whats wrong with Madison County Sheriff Dept...I thought they were some bad mofo's) Anyway. The deputy grabs the Gator , which is attached to the Dog which is still hangin on to the woman........(I'm wipin sweat off my forhead by now)

It was at this point in the game I realized what her tag said........it translated ….. SH** HAPPENS !!!! *HEAD SHAKE * *mouth open *

THE 3 POINT PLAN

My wife & I have come up with this "3 - POINT PLAN" for some cats out there....
"3 point Plan for what Joe?" , you ask . Well just follow along the forethcoming ...

FINDING A JOB !!!! (cause you aint got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out)


Our advise to you is really simple. Right now , this minute , this absolute second ,Go out and use the EXACT & EQUAL zeal,tenacity, reverence & eagerness you use whilst you are embarking on the following :

- a ride to the club / party / bbq *since you dont have a job to buy a car or maintain gas*
- runnin in behind ( or in the behind ) of that woman/man that doesnt want a doggone thing to do with you

(last but not least and ties it all together )

- beggin EVERYBODY & I do mean ER'BODY for some "ends" cause you are too lazy AND OR too SORRY to follow throuh with the very beginning of this lecture


Now if you are reading this and you are all of a sudden thinkin ,
"wait a minute, is he talkin to/about me ?" , "he dont know me " .........
well cat mama or cat daddy..... the answer is YES !!! I'm Talkin To You !!!
(shout , shout , let it all out, these are the things I'talkn about" )

But I digress now...

At any rate If you are on Facebook and you are reading this and it strikes a nerve and you wont comment thats groovy...doesnt matter cause this subject is gearfed toward you and it wont change...kinda like a Tree wont change into a cat !!!!

at any rate.. yall pass this lil ditty along...I'm sure we all have those people around us that need to be reminded of these things

I have gotta think about the places I go ........

!!!! LONG STORY ALERT !!!! ...if u aint a reader...take yo behind somewheres else !!!!

Ok Im chillin up here @ the local ENT offc , just a chillin, when first thing I realize is all us folks up in this mug, who cant hear , have to walk up to this thick window with a little bitty slit at the bottom and try to HEAR what these cats are tellin us.. NEEDLESS TO SAY , Im seein this as almost impossible.

The first person is called ( I didnt hear them ladies say nuthin ...just jumbled words) , anyway ,nobody moved ! We just all looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders like WHAT THE *hiccup*......So the lady behind this thick ol glass with the little slit in it says "somethin" again...We all looked at each other again.....well after that the little chick behind the thick glass with the little slit ,comes out through the door and calls out a name , with an attitude ! This time we all heard it and about 4 or 5 of us jumped and started "high 5'n" &cabbage patchin all up in here....so the person she called got up and went to the window.

Well all aint well yet , cause when that person got to this thick glass ,you could see somethin was goin hecka wrong ! Now I dont know what was being said but the person behind the window started lookin mad and the little lady that was standin there threw down her purse and started "hoop'n hollerin" louder than a mug! So me and the other folks lookin at each other trippin cause we already knew it was bout to be on up in here!

Now let me tell you this.... everybody in there basically sat with what ever group you were familiar with , The non -hearin folx , we sat together . The non olfactory mugs , they sat together nd the folks who couldnt swalllow a sunflower seed , well they sat together . It more segregated in that mug than Sundy morning church services!

The folk with the nose problems started takin out snot rags and diggin boogers . The folks with throat probs started throwin trach(ea) tubes and talkin trash through the little holes in the throat. The rest of us , (hering impaired mofos) well some just started cussin in sign language ,others started takin off hear-aids and tennis shoes! It started to get real nasty up in here.

Me I was just settin there cause I done got bout half scared....I move over next to the little lady at the front desk who was hollerin cause I figured if somethin breaks off for real she "aint hearin it" no way....( i am too serious!) Next thing u know its a full scale "ear on nose on throat war" up here ! Boogers and snot rags all over the place , trach(ea) tubes slingin all up in peoples faces ..hittin folks on top of the eye. I even saw one dude spit the LONGEST, GOOYEST <- (that aint a word but im usin it ) most green lookin loogy through that lil hole in his throat in one persons ear! (I was done right about then !

Well one thing lead to another and they called HPD .by the time the "PO-PO's" made it up in there Im sure they thought it was like gangland.... u hd Red and Blue Snot rags all over the joint and us non -hearing mugs throwin sign language had to look like gangs signs to them. So they come in hardcore....MOB STYLE....big dogs , OC spray, and tasers..... THEY LIT OUR RAGGEDY DUMB A**'s all the way up....

When all was done and said.....everything had gotten sorted out . believe it or not NONE OF US WENT TO JAIL TODAY ( do not check jailview ) but we fount out.... the cause of it all.... Earlier when the little lady was at the window and the chick behind the think glass with the slit at the bottom was talkin , the chick behind the window got impatient and decided to write down what she was trying to say instead of just coming around the glass.... the note read "I SAID CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW" *head shake* ...anyway....next time i decide to go to the ENT offc here ....Im gonna get "strapped" ....u never know !!!

UH OH ...TIME FOR THOSE 1ST OF THE MONTHERS !!!!

Went to Kroger & Wal-Mart today.... I liked to just got my head handed to me from the "1st of the Month" crew....

Yall know who I'm talkin bout....So as a service to the public I'm puttin up notice.... " DONOT EVER.....EVER....EVER ......EVER get between the "1st of the Monther's" and the NAME BRAND items on ANY ISLE and take your time ....you will regret this act in ways you will not imagine. ! "

"1st of the Monther's " I aint messin with yall NO MO !

Thing is... all i wanted at walmart was some WalMart brand noodles ( cause thats my budget) them Cats was reachin for the RAMEN ...*shrug* got to kroger , a brutha just needed to get some paper plates ( cause again....thass my budget) them "1st of the Monthers" all up in there gettin the real HARD PLASTIC stuff....man Im through !!!!

Dennis Rodman....Whats wrong whitcha brutha ?

I don't usually talk about people (yes I do) ,But I need to do an intervention for my boy Dennis Rodman ....

Dennis you REALLY need to invest in one of two things ! Get you some "Lip Reduction Ointment" (try Johnson & Johnson or the folks that manufacture "coochie tightenin cream") OR , at least , try to getcho A** to the nearest Dollar General , Walmart , Corner Store...etc (u get the point here I'm guessing) and (please brother , PLEASE....with a CAPITAL P to the L to the E to the A to the S to the E!) invest yo raggamuffin behind in some "Super Sized" or "Maxi Sized" , tampons or pads....don't matter which one....but u got too much leakage going on round your labium superius & inferius oris (Yeop I'm talking about ya uppa & ya lowa lips)

I have done what I feel is my CIVIC DUTY for my country with this message.....(kinda like what Rodman thought he was doing in Korea *head shake* .....

I don't usually talk about people (yes u do) ,But I need to do an intervention for my boy Dennis Rodman .... Dennis you REALLY need to invest in one of two things ! Get you some "Lip Reduction Ointment" (try Johnson & Johnson or the folks that manufacture "coochie tightenin cream") OR , at least , try to getcho A** to the nearest Dollar General , Walmart , Corner Store...etc (u get the point here I'm guessing) and please ,brother , PLEASE ....with a CAPITAL. P to the L to the E to the A to the S to the E.....and invest yo raggamuffin behind in some "Super Sized" or "Maxi Sized" , tampons or pads....don't matter which one....but u got too much leakage going on round your labium superius & inferius oris (Yeop I'm talking about lips....but not those ones u think in nasty minded folx) I have done what I feel is my CIVIC DUTY for my country with this message.....(kinda like what Rodman thought he was doing in Korea *head shake* .....